Are You Playing TAG In Your Relationship?

In every relationship, there are moments when we argue, shut down, or avoid certain topics entirely -just to keep the peace or protect ourselves. These patterns often follow a familiar script, and I call it Playing TAG.

Just like the childhood game of Tag, no one wants to be IT. So we dodge uncomfortable conversations, give vague answers, or stay quiet to avoid blame or conflict. And if we do feel like the bad one, we might instinctively try to shift that feeling onto someone else.

Whether it’s through passive avoidance or active blame, this back-and-forth keeps us stuck in unhealthy patterns.

The good news? The first step to breaking free is recognizing the role you tend to play. This quick True/False quiz will help you spot which version of TAG you fall into – so you can stop playing the game and start changing the pattern.

Tag Questionnaire

  1. I have trouble accepting compliments or gifts.
  2. I often find it difficult to apologize.
  3. I am likely to remain silent in meetings, even when I do have something to contribute.
  4. When a friend complains about someone else, I tend to voice my complaints, as well.
  5. I often fear that others will disapprove of me or be disappointed in me.
  6. I sometimes say things in anger that I later regret.
  7. I often "forget" to tell people things I know will upset them.
  8. Sometimes I say "maybe" when I already know the answer is "no".
  9. Some of my self-talk is very negative.
  10. There is something I am supposed to be doing with my life that I am not doing.
  11. I have on-going, unresolved arguments with certain people.
  12. I am a perfectionist.
  13. People say that I am overly-sensitive to criticism.
  14. I tend to put things off until the last minute.
  15. I often feel lonely.
  16. In an argument, I generally try to have the last word.
  17. There are people in my life who often lie to me or hide the truth from me.
  18. Most people say that I am really nice.
  19. People say that I am dramatic or that my life is filled with drama.
  20. I am (or, my family is) hardly ever home.
  21. I sometimes get into arguments that escalate into louder and louder interactions.
  22. The conversations in our home tend to be sort of superficial.
  23. I can be quite judgmental of others (at least in my head).
  24. I have been told that I am too controlling.
  25. I hate to be late.